Constantly Saying Yes To Others Is Saying NO To You

 
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I’ve fallen in this trap more times than I could even tell you. It once was as normal as breathing.

Someone presents you with a need, a request, an expectation, a demand - anything they desire you to do.

And it sounds like such a noble idea. And you really like being needed. And doing something helpful makes you feel included. And loved. And appreciated.

Especially when they tell you things like, “I’m just so overwhelmed. I need you desperately.”

Or, “If you don’t do this, I don’t know what we’ll do.”

Or the guilt-laden, “if you’re interested in being a part of what we’re doing, you’ll cancel your plans to participate.”

And if you don’t have a clear vision for your life - and know where your priorities and values are, you might get sucked into this situation time after time.

And it’s usually good things. Most of us won’t get suckered into awful things, e.g. starting a new drug addiction - because that is so obviously going to hurt us.

But it’s saying “yes” to all the good things - especially when we’re not intentionally spending time taking care of ourselves - that robs us of creating great things in our lives.

Not to mention that exhausting hamster wheel of everyone else’s requests because you’re the loyal and dependable person who will “always come through” for them.

Our well-being depends on us learning to exercise the boundary of saying “no.”

There are elegant ways to say “no” and there are hilarious ways.

Either way, getting clear on what your values are, and allowing yourself the space to guilt-lessly give yourself the best care by saying “yes” to yourself, will give you the biggest rewards of all.

Saying “yes” to myself looks like prioritizing my to-do list (activities, chores, events) comparing it to my time-priorities (sleep, free-time, family-time, social time) and making solid commitments: my free-time is sacred and cannot be filled with anyone else’s agenda.

Taking care of myself first allows me to show up as the best version of me possible. Full of energy, vibrant, hard-working.

It’s so great no longer playing the martyr.

“What choice did I have” “What was I supposed to say?” “But they needed me.” These are phrases that no longer pass my lips.

And I STILL have time to give to the people and organizations I wish to be involved with.

It’s a wonderful thing.

 
BoundariesMeagan BunnerComment